Wednesday, November 25, 2009

A Weary, but Thankful Heart

A quick update:
I called MeritCare on Monday to get the results of my lab work and to schedule my X ray (which is technically called a hysterosalpingogram). Turns out, the lab techs didn't read the lab orders thoroughly that day and only did a pregnancy test, but none of the blood work that I didn't realize I was supposed to have. The pregnancy test obviously came back negative, and I had to go in this morning to have 7(!) vials of blood drawn, which will be sent to Mayo Clinic, and the results should be in next week sometime. I know one of the tests was to check my thyroid, but I don't remember what Dr Majkrzak (pronouced "Myshack"... who could guess that!) said the rest were checking. As for the X ray, I won't be able to get it done until next month sometime, because my doctor is off to China this week and I didn't call to schedule it in time! So now we wait even longer. According to Dr Majkrzak, what he's looking for in the X ray is a weird little flap in my uterus that, if an embryo were to attach to it, the embryo could not survive. So if that's what I have, the flap can be removed and should, in theory, solve the problem. I'm hoping it's a thyroid or hormonal thing that can be solved with a pill, rather than with a surgery! However, if neither the lab work or the X ray show a problem, then we try genetic testing on both Justin and myself. I'm not sure what we'll do with that, because I'm fairly certain our insurance won't cover that, and it's expensive, and something we really can't afford, so basically, we'll be back at square one. So pray that these blood tests and/or the X ray figure out what's going on!

Despite what we've been going through in the past few weeks (well, the past 20 months, really), I've been reflecting lately and have realized just how much I have to be truly thankful for, and with Thanksgiving tomorrow, it's time to think about these things. I have been blessed with the most incredible husband, who has truly been my rock as we've dealt with our losses. He has held my hand through it all, has let me cry when I've needed to, and has made me laugh at times when I didn't think I could. Being unable to keep your unborn children alive can be incredibly detrimental to a woman's self esteem; after all, we were built to bear children. It's just one more issue to deal with, but Justin has done nothing but encourage me and build me up. I've also been blessed with a wonderful family. Words cannot express how amazing they are and how much they mean to me. My mom has so many roles in my life; she is my best friend, my mentor, my confidante, and of course, my mother. I consider it the highest compliment to be compared to her. My dad is the most generous, compassionate, and genuine person I know. He is a man of few words, which I so appreciate in a world of gabbers. You know that words of praise from him are real and heartfelt, and they mean so much more than the mindless, meaningless compliments people spew out. My little sister is my best friend. She gets me like no one else does, because she thinks like me. We've grown so close over the past couple of years, and I couldn't be more proud of her. My Davey is the heart of my world. He is ultimately the reason why I've chosen the career path that I have. He is a ray of sunshine, and I'm so grateful that my parents made the decision to open our home to him. Since I moved out, the part of home I've missed the most is my daily dose of Dave. These 4 fantasitic people, combined with our eccentric dog and the inexplicable magic of being in my childhood home, is a refreshing retreat that I need on a regular basis to keep my sanity. And I get to go home this weekend! I have so much more to be thankful for: friends who care, encourage, and support me, a job that not only pays the bills, but brings me incredible satisfaction every day, good food in the cupboards, a nice car to drive, clean clothes to wear, and a roof over my head. And even though I don't have my babies with me, I'm grateful for the short few days I had them with me, even if I didn't get to hold them in my arms or see them. It's sort of like the "it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all" mentality. Yes, it hurts to lose them, but I now that I know them, I couldn't imagine never having them, even for the few days each that I did.

I hope this holiday season is filled with family, friends, good food, and lots of love for all of you! Thank you for praying for us and for just being the fabulous people you are! I love you all!


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