Friday, January 22, 2010

Xrays and whatnot

Well, I had my Xray on Wednesday. It was a not fun experience. *Warning - this might be a little graphic, but not too bad.* When the procedure goes as planned, it's not so comfortable. It involves a speculum and a catheter, need I say more? Except mine didn't go as planned. Because I won the award for the most difficult of the month! When you have the worlds smallest cervix, it must be dilated, you see. Ouch! And when you have a fibroid on your cervix, you must get past it to get the catheter in. Double ouch! But, Dr Majkrzak said hae didn't see any blockage, which is what they were looking for, which is good news. He said he'd have a radiologist look at it, and if anything turned out abnormal, he'd call me. He also wants me to schedule an office visit in early March to see how things are going. Then I went home and ate Qdoba and felt sorry for myself. So I guess it's good news that there's nothing wrong. But part of me really wanted to find something, so I'd have a definitive answer as to why I've lost my babies. But then I had my 1 year review at work, and my supervisor made me realize something pretty major. My big struggle with God is my trust issues. I'm such a control freak and that totally comes into play in my relationship with God. So maybe part of the reason why all of my tests have come back normal is because God wants to realize I need to just trust Him with this. I need to just rest in the fact that God has a reason for all of this happening and that could be it. So that's what I'm working on right now. Trusting God with this huge thing in my life. And that's so hard right now, because we're moving soon and I'm totally trying to dictate when it's going to happen for us. And I really need to just trust that God knows and that has to be enough. That scares me to death. So pray for me.


Thursday, January 14, 2010

Random thoughts and ventings

Good news - I finally got my Xray scheduled. It's next Wednesday. I'm really hoping this last test gives us some answers, since all the blood work came back normal. Then hopefully we can sort of figure out what we want to do. It's a hard decision, because we're moving across the country in a year, and the absolute earliest we could have a baby would be late October. We don't really love the idea of moving with a brand new baby, or being super pregnant, so late October is cutting it close. But then if that's when it's sposed to happen, it will work. But then maybe it's not sposed to happen here. Which sucks, because I really, really wanted to have a baby here. I wanted to be close to my family so my mom could be there. I wanted to have my best friends come see me in the hospital. I wanted to have what all of my friends have had. And I don't know if I get to. And that sucks. Plus, there's this little thing called health insurance. It's cheap here, and Colorado doesn't have anything like MinnesotaCare. Plus, I'm just so freaking tired of waiting. I have no idea what I want to do, I have no idea what we're sposed to do, and I am having an incredibly difficult time letting go of this and putting it in God's hands, which I know is really what I'm sposed to do. Boo.

We started sponsoring a child today. A little girl from Zambia named Grace. She'll be 4 in April, and she lives in an AIDS-afflicted community. I'm really, really excited we're doing this. I've wanted to for a long time, and since we're not part of a church, we've been struggling to figure out how to tithe. And child sponsorship is the way we've chosen to go. Mom and Dad give me 2 months of it for Christmas.

I bought mine and Katie's tickets for Michael Buble today. It's March 28 in St Paul, and our tickets are our birthday presents this yeat, since our birthdays are in April. I cannot even wait! We have to get our hotel room still, and I have to get out of work.

I'm really tired. I work alot. And that's just 1 job. Then I go to work at the other job. Then I have to see my husband and not be a total witch.

I thought I'd accepted the place we're at in our lives, but I'm kind of struggling. I don't like working 60 hours a week to support us, even if I love my job. I don't like being the only one of my friends who's not a mom. I don't like our little apartment. And I was doing so good at being content! Figures... I think I need some quality Michelle time, Justin time, and Jesus time. The question is, when do I get that.

There's my random thoughts and ventings for the day. Not very interesting, maybe, but I got it off my chest.


Sunday, January 10, 2010

Happy New Year! (10 days late...)

i can't believe it's already January 10. I'm pretty sure I went to sleep yesterday and it was December. Needless to say, I've been just a teeny bit busy.

We went to Colorado for Christmas. We spent 4 days at Mom and Dad's, relaxing, shopping, and cooking, then celebrating Christmas with Mom, Dad, Katie, and David. We then hit the road and spent a week with Justin's family. We spent most of our trip relaxing at Justin's dad's house, although we did spend Christmas Day with the whole Distel clan. The big news of the trip was twofold; Justin and I both got tattoos, and together with Sarah and Chelsea, we bought Justin's dad a brand new bed, which he very much deserved. (I'll post pictures of our tattoos in a future post.)

We got home on New Year's Eve, unpacked, and back to work I went on New Year's Day. Lighthouse is in staff crisis mode, so overtime has been approved (and practically required for house manager's!), meaning I've been working my tail off every day since! Yesterday was my first glorious day off, which we spent at Grandma and Grandpa G's celebrating Christmas with Mom's side of the family, and it was beautiful! I'm sitting on the couch today doing absolutely nothing (which I think I've deserved), and then it's back to work tomorrow.

Justin's been at home, recovering from bronchitis. He starts school tomorrow, and the job search.

I'll post pictures of Christmas and our tattoos soon.