God has been doing some pretty wonderful things lately.
When I finished my last final in December, along with the relief that my academic career was complete came a rush of panic and fear. I was no longer a student! I have been a student since I was 5 years old! 17 years! I know nothing of life but school years and summer vacations. My life has been marked by first days of school, Christmas breask, last days of school, semesters... 1 year isn't January 1 to December 31 when you're a student- it's early September to early June (with the beauty of summer right in between)! But when I turned in that last final exam, all of that ended for me. And I entered into a time of transition, the idea of which scared the poo out of me!
I'm a planner. I like to know what's going to happen next. I don't like change, and I don't like transition. I traded my school career for the responsibility of providing for our family financially. The only problem was, I didn't have a job! I spent Christmas break praying desperately that I find a job; and if I didn't, that God would take care of us on what little income we had. After all, He's done it in the past! We had several months in the past year when we had no idea how we would pay our bills, let alone eat! But every bill got paid, and we never went hungry. No matter where that money came from, whether we scrounged it up ourselves, humbly asked family for help, or received an anonymous gift from an unknown friend, it was God every time. The lilies are beautifully dressed, the grasses of the field are lovingly cared for. Of course He provided for us!
"And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin,yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. "But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! "Do not worry then, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?'
Just 2 weeks into my job hunt, I landed a nearly perfect job (I say nearly because, after all, no job is perfect). I get to do something I love and get paid for it! Not only are my wages higher than I expected, but after only 2 months on the job, I've been offered full-time hours effective May 1! Our financial worries have ceased for the time being!
As time has passed, I've noticed a change in us. We were both stressed out all the time because we both worried about money all the time! And while we never fought about money, the higher stress levels caused more arguments. When I brought home my first paycheck, we were giddy! There was a positive number in our bank account! Now that we're more used to our new income and more comfortable lifestyle (not extravagent, just comfortable), our stress levels have decreased, meaning we argue less, we sleep better, we feel better, and we look better!
When I was growing up (and still to this day), my mother always said the same thing when I was going through a hard time: "Just think of it as character building!" During one particularly long and difficult time 2 years ago, I began to respond, "I have more than enough character, thank you very much, I don't want anymore!" I got so frustrated when she would tell me this, but she was right. We struggled. And we built a ton of character. I will never forget the past few months and how difficult things got. We learned so much in the past few months about trusting God. We struggled with it for a long time, but when I finished school, I had to let go of my control on our life and say, "Ok God, do what You want. I trust You to take care of us. You always have, and I know you always will." And then I got a job.
Ever notice how the best things happen when you just throw up your hands and say, "Ok God, do it Your way, since mine obviously isn't working!" Every time I've done that, God has blessed me enormously. Without those words, I would never have come to Oak Hills. I never would have met Justin. I wouldn't have my job. And as painful as the experience of miscarriage was and is, I would never have had my angel baby Bennett, my little bean who went Home early, who changed my life, our lives, our world forever.
God works in ways we can never understand. But I trust Him. He knows what He's doing. He's proven that time and time again. And that's good enough for me.