Today

Today is Bennett's birthday. Sort of. I guess I don't really know what to call it. The due date of our first baby was November 5, 2008. So it's a sad day for us. Last year we went to the cities for a couple days, today I worked all day and we went out to lunch together.

It's so strange to think that we should have a 1-year-old running around. We should have had a big party last weekend with family and friends coming to celebrate. But we don't. We have 2 babies in heaven, and no idea why. But hopefully we'll have answers soon. My appointment is tomorrow, so hopefully in the next week we'll have some idea what's going on.

I wanted to share a song by Jar's of Clay that really speaks to our experiences. It's called The Valley Song.

You have led me to the sadness
I have carried this pain
on a back bruised, nearly broken
I'm crying out to You

I will sing of Your mercy
that leads me through valleys of sorrow
to rivers of joy

When death, like a gypsy
comes to steal what I love
I will still look to the heavens
I will still seek Your face
but I fear You aren't listening
because there are no words
just the stillness
and the hunger
for a faith that assures

I will sing of Your mercy
that leads me through valleys of sorrow
to rivers of joy

alleluia, alleluia
alleluia, alleluia

While we wait for rescue
with our eyes tightly shut
face to the ground using our hands
to cover the fatal cut
though the pain is an ocean
tossing us around, around, around
You have calmed greater waters
higher mountains have come down

I will sing of Your mercy
that leads me through valleys of sorrow
to rivers of joy
I will sing of Your mercy
that leads me through valleys of sorrow
to rivers of joy
alleluia, alleluia
alleluia, alleluia