Thursday, January 14, 2010

Random thoughts and ventings

Good news - I finally got my Xray scheduled. It's next Wednesday. I'm really hoping this last test gives us some answers, since all the blood work came back normal. Then hopefully we can sort of figure out what we want to do. It's a hard decision, because we're moving across the country in a year, and the absolute earliest we could have a baby would be late October. We don't really love the idea of moving with a brand new baby, or being super pregnant, so late October is cutting it close. But then if that's when it's sposed to happen, it will work. But then maybe it's not sposed to happen here. Which sucks, because I really, really wanted to have a baby here. I wanted to be close to my family so my mom could be there. I wanted to have my best friends come see me in the hospital. I wanted to have what all of my friends have had. And I don't know if I get to. And that sucks. Plus, there's this little thing called health insurance. It's cheap here, and Colorado doesn't have anything like MinnesotaCare. Plus, I'm just so freaking tired of waiting. I have no idea what I want to do, I have no idea what we're sposed to do, and I am having an incredibly difficult time letting go of this and putting it in God's hands, which I know is really what I'm sposed to do. Boo.

We started sponsoring a child today. A little girl from Zambia named Grace. She'll be 4 in April, and she lives in an AIDS-afflicted community. I'm really, really excited we're doing this. I've wanted to for a long time, and since we're not part of a church, we've been struggling to figure out how to tithe. And child sponsorship is the way we've chosen to go. Mom and Dad give me 2 months of it for Christmas.

I bought mine and Katie's tickets for Michael Buble today. It's March 28 in St Paul, and our tickets are our birthday presents this yeat, since our birthdays are in April. I cannot even wait! We have to get our hotel room still, and I have to get out of work.

I'm really tired. I work alot. And that's just 1 job. Then I go to work at the other job. Then I have to see my husband and not be a total witch.

I thought I'd accepted the place we're at in our lives, but I'm kind of struggling. I don't like working 60 hours a week to support us, even if I love my job. I don't like being the only one of my friends who's not a mom. I don't like our little apartment. And I was doing so good at being content! Figures... I think I need some quality Michelle time, Justin time, and Jesus time. The question is, when do I get that.

There's my random thoughts and ventings for the day. Not very interesting, maybe, but I got it off my chest.


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