Friday, January 22, 2010

Xrays and whatnot

Well, I had my Xray on Wednesday. It was a not fun experience. *Warning - this might be a little graphic, but not too bad.* When the procedure goes as planned, it's not so comfortable. It involves a speculum and a catheter, need I say more? Except mine didn't go as planned. Because I won the award for the most difficult of the month! When you have the worlds smallest cervix, it must be dilated, you see. Ouch! And when you have a fibroid on your cervix, you must get past it to get the catheter in. Double ouch! But, Dr Majkrzak said hae didn't see any blockage, which is what they were looking for, which is good news. He said he'd have a radiologist look at it, and if anything turned out abnormal, he'd call me. He also wants me to schedule an office visit in early March to see how things are going. Then I went home and ate Qdoba and felt sorry for myself. So I guess it's good news that there's nothing wrong. But part of me really wanted to find something, so I'd have a definitive answer as to why I've lost my babies. But then I had my 1 year review at work, and my supervisor made me realize something pretty major. My big struggle with God is my trust issues. I'm such a control freak and that totally comes into play in my relationship with God. So maybe part of the reason why all of my tests have come back normal is because God wants to realize I need to just trust Him with this. I need to just rest in the fact that God has a reason for all of this happening and that could be it. So that's what I'm working on right now. Trusting God with this huge thing in my life. And that's so hard right now, because we're moving soon and I'm totally trying to dictate when it's going to happen for us. And I really need to just trust that God knows and that has to be enough. That scares me to death. So pray for me.


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